Lemme Riddle You A Ditty

Some times I try to listen to my head but my heart gets in the way.

That saying, "the heart wants what the heart wants," is disruptive. I don't want this impossible want.

This feeling will only hurt me more. Soon it will fade away and so will this impossible hope.

Let this desire, this admiration go away soon.

Jealousy is always ugly.



My elbow and right butt cheek hurt.

Just a Tad

So my 21st birthday was this past weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed it for the most part. Some plans didn't fall through but it doesn't mean I learned a couple things about myself. I went out dancing for the first time on my birthday night. I got in for free. I went to a Club called the Castle down in ybor, fl. It was goth night. I wasn't exactly dressed like a goth...more indie then anything really, or was it hipster? I don't know. I do know I felt cute. I tried a few drinks, when I say tried I mean I sipped it like once and I was done. Didn't like them one bit.

It was a good night. Too bad I barely got any sleep and went out again cause I was suppose to go to Epcot but my friend canceled day before because of work. He works for Disney. It's okay. I know he'll follow through next time. It wasn't his fault. My friends thought of going to Universal cause I've never been to that either. That was the whole reason why I drove to Orlando with them. That never happened either. It's okay. I didn't really hype myself for it. In fact, I think I only went because I would have spent more time with the guy I like. That never happened either, lol. He was tried and that was understandable. But I ended up going to another Bar called IBAR. It was interesting. I liked it. It was 80s/90s night. I actually drank some of GUY's (I'm going to refer to the guy I like as GUY) drink. It was tasting it was had the name Long Island in it. I enjoyed it but I didn't want to steal his drink no matter how much I wanted it, haha. I danced again. Two nights in a row! Man, that's a little much. My calves were already yelling at me from the night before.

It was a good weekend. I want to go back to it. That would be cool. Except for driving back home afterwards and almost dying several times, it was all good. Yeah.


Now GUY invited me to his vocals on Friday. I won't think too much on it. I won't.

2L Coke

It's getting closer to Metrocon! I'm excited but I'm going to miss the time I spent with my cast members. I felt that this year I grew closer to several of them and opened myself up more instead of leaving all my feelings in. I'm happy that I grew more confidence in myself and no longer feel awkward when I say that I'm amazing or whatnot. I feel as though I am. I'm a unique person. Though, I'm still that awkward kid at parties and...anywhere else. I choose my interjections wisely.

Sometimes I wish to go back in time and take things better. If I thought more clearly I think I would have talked it out with the new guy. He's a cool dude, though I keep ignoring him and then giving him attention. It's a repetitive pattern. He asked me if I hated him yesterday. Gosh, I hope he was joking. I like looking at him but my feelings have to be ignored cause I don't wish for things to get difficult. I feel as though he becomes quiet when I'm around. It's most likely my awkwardness. A little hard to handle when you've told the guy you liked him and that he knows about it...blah blah blah.

Anywho, I've pretty much finished my costumes for Metrocon. I'm excited. All I have to do now is touch up a few wigs for friends and style another for someone else. Busy busy bee I will be. I'm hoping a lot of people go to the panels I'm in. I'm in the Ouran Host Club the Musical panel and Maid Cafe. I'm also in Star Party. I hope they get lots of people. I'm thrilled as well as upset that it's all going to end. But thankfully, I will be hanging out with some of them even if the con as ended.


Time for some One Night in Bangkok...

Daily Dribble

New work in progress....well kinda. Been sitting on my desktop for at least a month and barely work on it.


It's slowly making it's way out of the WIP folder's clutches. It has meaning. I only say this because I only draw flowers in pictures if they mean something. There's a meaning in it and it lies in the flowers. I might have given away with my past posts. This is based on what has gone on in my life thus far. I feel regret and I feel sorrow. I lost a dream that I wish to get back but I'm not sure if the other half is even interested. I'm afraid to even ask, lol.

I'm some piece of work.

I've also burned almost all 10 of my fingers and two knuckles with my hot glue gun. mmmmm, yes. I only managed to get one tiny 3rd degree burn and two blisters. They make typing and everyday stuff harder, but it's all good. But yes, I'm some piece of work.

I got a lot of work to do and I only have a couple more weeks to do it in. So much in so little time!



But first, gotta be happy and get back that dream.

Going for it

Sometimes decisions are made but you soon realize that these things aren't forever. Sometimes you change your mind and sometimes you don't. It only takes a bit to set me straight. Some once said that it will come to you like a holy vision. Maybe I just had mine.

I'm aiming to be happy and not pleased.

This is what I want. It's what I will work for. Hopefully there's someone out there for me.

Decisions, Decisions

Why is it when you think things are settled, old feelings come back? Why is it that I have to hurt someone again? I'm dating this cool guy. He's sweet and he compliments me. I almost feel like he's too good for me. I like to tease the guy. He's got those tendencies of reacting so cute. But most of all, why must my ex come back to me? Why is it that when I'm with this new guy that the old guy seems to pop up every now and then. Not all the time but every so often.

Being with the new guy feels unreal. So dreamlike that I have to look back on the day and wait till it hits me that I've been with him that day. He's wonderful but why is it that I take so long to adjust, to catch up to what's happening. Why is the old guy chasing after me now? I have so many question left unanswered. Again, I've never had stuff like this happen to me before. I feel uneasy and want everything to just be settled. I know I still have feelings for the old guy. It's not like I wasn't with him for over a year. I went through a lot with him. I can't help whats going on. I thought things were good till he started chasing after me.

I want to make everyone happy,but I can't. I have to break hearts along the way. I know this and try to avoid this. I try my very best to please everyone. I know that I have to please myself but why is it that the old guy is bothering me and the new guy is here. I care about both guys. Of course I'd care about the old guy because we've got history. The new guy is charming. He's sweet. I don't want to fall under the category of girls that have harmed him because I want to be that one that was cool. I don't want to be the bad one. I want to take care of this guy. I don't want to be influenced but the old guy, but it's too late. I've said things that can probably hurt both guys. I hate this.

I know it's stupid to be typing this on the internet for all to see. I don't really have a choice because I've been told so many things that I should do due to past experiences from co-workers. There were a lot of opinions and they all led up to being with the new guy. I don't want to make a stupid decision that would prevent me from making choices. I don't want the old guy to cause me to do things that I shouldn't. All these questions. I hate them all. Why should I doubt things about myself because the old guy decides to chase after me now. WHY NOW? I felt so stupid when I chased after him the day when he said I was cheating. It felt like the only thing I could do to convince him. He realizes now what he's done. Do I let him have another chance? Or do I just forget about it and just tell him that I can't do it again? Yes, I've told him that but things led to another and now I'm in the situation I am now.

This drama needs to end. I need to be happy. I want to be happy. But I'm confused and my future has been blurred. Maybe I should just be alone for awhile. Gah, I was happy for a while but the old guy comes back into my head. I'm reverting. I don't want this stress again. Let me catch up to reality already!

Dating

Some people don't like the label of girlfriend or boyfriend. I think it a show of ownership, something off limits, or a safe zone? I know for a fact that I have little to no idea. I just recently got out of a relantionship that lasted for a little over a year. He was a cool guy, it was just his temper and his expectations. He had a lot of good qualities. I don't regret going out with him. He was my first boyfriend since I left high school. Though, relationships in high school are worthless and just simple puppy love. Nothing real. Relationships take a lot of work. I don't feel like he did anything to keep me with him. No, that's a lie. He did in the past, but then stopped. He had me and then he didn't. We ended on a break and I turned it into a break up because breaks are nothing but false hope. Then we went back out and he didn't trust me because another guy popped up and I was accused of cheating. The entire time I was confused and knew I didn't cheat. I don't know. I talked to my co-workers for advice and opinions. I ended up breaking up with him because the last phone conversation was horrible. He'd say sorry but than yell at me for something else, like 3-4 times. I broke up with him the next morning. In all honesty, I was scared of him because he said he would use every thing against me int he future. You can't make that seem like a good thing. I couldn't deal with that. He's really good with using words while I am not.

After I left him, the new guy popped up again. I appreciate his company but we are not in a relantionship. I enjoy his company because it's something I care about when looking for someone. Someone who won't complain about me not talking. I don't know. After getting out of a relantionship, anything is possible. We already talked about the "rebound." I though I was the rebound and he thought he was the rebound. It was amusing. He's easy to talk to and he's sweet. He's talented and very passionate. It's a bit different from what I just got out of but we're both just testing the water. So far I like the temperature but I don't want to go too fast, though I'm sure it's too late for that.

I've never just dated people. I always just went straight into the relantionship of being labeled as a girlfriend. I want to be happy. I want to see what's out there, but I just can't help but miss what I just got out of. I miss him. I do. Just right now isn't the time for me to be doing this with what all has happened. Only time will tell and hopefully something good will come my way.

Sunburn

How in the world did I get those aching red blotches on the back of my knees?! My scalp!? My left ear!?

Well, this past weekend my practices started. It was brutally hot outside. I mean I rarely get sunburned. It's really uncomforatble, not only that but all the falls and rolls had made my body remember where they hurt the most because they become the toughest part on my body. But I think I've progressed. I'm sure. I hope.


Well, I hope I don't peel. No scratch that. I think peeling is okay. I don't want my skin to be scarred like my mother's. Her skin is really sensitive that she's gotten marks on her face from the sun.




Blogs are silly.

Orange Snot

So recently I had gotten sick. I'm not sure how I caught it but it just seems to be the common cold I guess. I went by the first day with just a sore throat, it's not really sore by it's what I can classify it as. A stuffing nose followed, one nostril, weird. My significant other gave me medicine that opens your sinuses. It worked for the most part but now I have this snot that needs to go somewhere, lol.

But anyways, lemme tell you about what just happen and currently happening to my body. BUT FIRST, some background information: I'm am playing Roll, from Megaman, in a a show called Star Party at an anime convention by name of Metrocon! Be sure to go. Go go go. Yes, I'm advertising it. So I just woke up from a dream where I was Roll and I was clean up this parking garage and every so often I would have t fight bad guys. I kept running away from them cause I fail at fighting. I don't remember what made me wake up but I woke up with a racing heart. I looked it up and got

"This rapid heart rate may be in response to adrenalin suring a dream that you have had and that things were exacerbated the more your worried about the symptoms. "

It might have been adrenalin from the dream? I dunno. This has never happened to me before. I do know that I feel extremely weak. I also looked up and foung that it could be possible heart disease but I recently went to the doctor and he told me I was healthy as a horse with an athlete's standards. My heart rate is slowing down a bit, but I still feel shaky all over. I already tried multiple times laying down and taking deep breaths but nothing.

I unno. I'm sure it'll go away, I just hope it doesn't happen again...

Final Critique

So I had my final critique tonight, not too long ago actually. I'm pretty happy to get it over with since I practically went mad last week with all this going on. I had more fun doing the images, despite being angry all the time, rather than having everything completed, mounted and all. In this project I had to not only use my creativity but also my wallet. Thank gawd I didn't spend too much. THANK GAWD. I ended up going with Reedy PhotoProcess as my service bureau.

My final set of images were based around a series on a character I call the Sunflower Witch. She doesn't necessarily have a name. I also set it around the Seasons to show the aging or as she grows up. Shall we begingThis is Summer. In her Preteens learning how to fly on her sunflower.

Autumn. Her dress is suppose to symbolize has changing of the seasons as well as the colors. She's in her teens at this point.
Winter. Since society can not accept witches they stone her and what not (thought i is not shown) and throw her into the river, because if she floats, she's a witch. And guess what kids, she floats. The water is horrible in this picture. I suck at water. xD
Spring, the last. I consider winter the first part of the year. Here you see the past meeting the future. She is meeting the past self and is told to not worry about what people around her do, just to live life till it all works out. I fin spring as a blank piece of paper. It starts with her, she is the seed to a new beginning. Bloom again.

Tada! Everything was done in photoshop 7 on a tablet. I'm just happy it's over with, because now I have a clean room again, lol.

START

Maybe it was just that new movie on the Disney Channel that made me want to do this. It probably isn't new. Who knows, but I have always been wondering how it was to do one of these. I'll post whatever I feel like posting here, from random drawings to cosplay progress.

Well, I'm petite and this is my blog.